Modesty vs Conceit

2/2/17 - When I was a toddler, I knew that I was bad at everything, and couldn’t wait to be good at things like the older kids and adults.

Then, my first years in school, I realized I had some skills other kids didn’t have. I began to think very conceited thoughts, thinking that I was much better than I actually was at things, and that I was generally above average at most things compared to others and generally smarter. In kindergarten, I was one of the few kids that I knew who could draw something that another could actually recognize. Hence, I was an amazing artist. Then, I realized that many people around me seemed to also think the same thing, and that I wasn’t as good at things as I thought. I realized the thing that makes art good or not isn’t if someone knows what you’re actually drawing. Even if they knew it was a dog, it still looked stupid to all but mum. I humbled a bit. Then, as a young teen, I started getting conceited again, knowing that I was good at a few things but all-around “better” than the average person, at least a little. I now recognize that period as Dunning-Kreuger. I remember literally thinking that I was “above-average” at most things; something the Dunning-Kreuger Effect explicitly mentions. I scoffed at the ‘fools’ who thought they were right. I was even patronizing in my head. “It’s not their fault. They just weren’t as lucky as I. My brain-genes are good.” Then, as I began to think more critically in my early/mid teens, I became more modest again. Everyone was always so sure they were right, even when you could see proof otherwise. But, then, maybe I was the same? How would I know? How could I? I had been chiding people for their ignorance and inability to see their faults and gaps in logic. I wondered how they possibly couldn’t see it, but had no evidence that I wasn’t also deluding myself as well. Now, I am stuck. I can feel myself wanting to swing back to conceit. People are infuriating. I wholeheartedly believe I often now at least have justified reasons for the frustration I feel at people who disagree with me, and I can’t see how they could possibly think they are correct when the truth is in front of their faces. However, I also know that most of them feel the exact same way about me and my beliefs. Even with all of my proselytizing of only using facts and evidence and shunning bias, I still cannot be sure that what I think is true. I cannot be sure I am not being swayed by bias no matter how much I strive otherwise. Much of the time they have access to the same exact facts as me and yet come to different conclusions. History (and the present, even on a day to day basis) shows how common it is for people to have zero doubt (or pretend to have zero doubt) about something and then be proven wrong.

As I often say of religion, everyone is so sure they’re right, even though other people are just as sure in their conflicting views. Since at least one of the views must be incorrect, we conclude that being sure of something doesn’t mean anything. Might as well not even bother pointing out our confidence. I have only recently started taking that logic to heart in my personal life, rather than only pointing it out to other people, oblivious of the bias. It’s such a difficult one to stop yourself from abusing. Be confident in nothing without proof or mountains of evidence, even that which you yourself are confident of (most circumstances wouldn’t require the italicized words, but I think it’s critical here). Even then, reserve a little room for possibility, because true proof doesn’t exist. ------------ 2/6/17 Update A day or two after writing this, I was researching why communication between liberals and conservatives so often fail when I found this article: http://www.press.uchicago.edu/Misc/Chicago/467716.html Ah, the irony-known-as-fate, we meet again. I have rarely read such an eye-opening, well written, informative, non-biased, perfectly enunciated and insightful article on politics in my life. It was incredibly cathartic to read the words “conservative” and “liberal” and not feel that either was being attacked with one fallacy or name or ad hominem or another. I was floored. I’ll probably have more thoughts on the actual subject of that article another time, but the point I want to bring up: I am no longer stuck. I had been starting to feel actually competent and insightful myself with these writings of mine. Sophisticated. I have certainly been put back into my place, humbled as all hell. I’m actually a bit embarrassed for having given anyone access to these writings of mine after reading his work. I’m happy that I’m writing and getting better and this site serves as a minor creative outlet for me and helps myself think these things through, but it now feels like the best I’ve ever written would deserve only the fridge door as a home. I hope I don’t sound bitter, though. It was an absolute pleasure to read. His excerpt from his book is a thing of beauty and if my writings ever approach that level of casual brilliance, I can die happy. 2 of his books will shortly be on my kindle. :p

#modesty #conceit #artist #dunningkreuger #doubt #GeorgeLakoff